


allow me one last breath in your presence

by morass (intoxicated_by_our_lies)



Series: Original Works/Modern Setting [6]
Category: Original Work, Taciturn Truths (Hainthe Lapin)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon - Book, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Slash, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Reminiscing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 02:43:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9471854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoxicated_by_our_lies/pseuds/morass
Summary: Zeph is nut deep into him when Nanashi starts thinking of Anakin.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skydork (klismaphilia)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/klismaphilia/gifts).



> For Haiden; I’m so sorry how long this took me to make, and I wish I didn’t tell you in the first place because then you wouldn’t have psyched yourself up. I love you. I thought about what you said… about Anakin and Nanashi breaking apart, and realized how much they really meant to me. They were us. Sorta. More… more ‘extreme’, I guess, versions of us. We always talked about it, and I denied it. Nanashi was me, I realize now. His anxiety, abusive relationships, obsession with helping and turning a blind eye to things, and sometimes extreme thinking… that black and white thoughts, yes. You were right. He is me. And… I want to set this free. To a new future. For us. And them. They deserve happiness, and they deserve the best. And so do we. Even if we both think we don’t, I know we think the other does. 
> 
> So, with that being said, I hope you like this. 
> 
> ~Anna
> 
> (Dance Without You by Skylar Grey is what I suggest for this)

Zeph is nut deep into him when Nanashi starts thinking of Anakin.

 

At first, it’s only the simple thought about how much Anakin loved to be thrown on the bed, liked to be kissed _just like this._ The soft, but passionate way Zeph kissed his neck, teeth scraping over previous love bites and birthmarks… Anakin being showered in affection and love. He was sweet when he was being teased like this and when he was allowed unconditional kisses and cuddles that came from no warnings or asking. Even when they were just about to be broken up, Anakin craved any ounce of love that he could.

 

Enjoying this made him feel guilty, especially knowing that Anakin was locked away in a prison cell, no doubt desperate and feeling unloved while Nanashi was being ravished by Zeph. _His best friend, he was Zeph’s pseudo-kid brother, and he was fucking him._

 

“Reese,” Nanashi whined, revealing his throat more for the younger man. “Please… I want you.”

 

Zeph was quiet for once, moaning out a half chuckle as if teasingly. His hands ran along the edges of his curves and up to his ribs, and then back down, making Nanashi shake in pleasure. It felt nice. Being touched like this, so teasingly and non-fleeting, almost protective and caring. It made him feel like a kid again, like when his aunt would tickle his sides because that was where he was most ticklish at.

 

_Anakin is ticklish on his bottom feet and thighs, especially when I'd sit on his chest to get him more._

 

The thoughts don't stop.

 

They're invasive, taking up every moment of his mind, making him feel more and more guilty for every moan that escaped as Zeph explored his body, leaving no pit or crease of tanned skin unexposed. _Anakin, Anakin, AnakinAnakin-_

 

He felt like he’s going to scream, tears swelling in his eyes, trying his best to ignore how horrible everything in his body was so, so, _so_ harrowing. Every touch felt like a slap to his previous (loving, unhealthy, twisted) relationship, that he was stabbing a knife in Anakin’s back and just twisting it every smack of Zeph’s hips.

 

All of this, was this even healthy? Every step of his relationship with Anakin, he thought they were healthy, even when he was doing therapy and was listening to her talk about unhealthy relationships. Was he able to tell the difference between healthy and unhealthy, he wondered.

 

Beth, she was unhealthy for him. The rape, the shaming, her claiming a pregnancy that never happened and made him pay some hundred dollars for an abortion… he loved her, for some reason that he never understood. Auntie pushed her onto him, he reasoned, but he cared for her and tried to be gentle even when she hit him or mocked him for throwing up after sex.

 

And there was Anakin; who he knew wasn’t healthy and was unhealthy in his own mind, but he still thought of Anakin as everything… The first person he moved in with, the first man he loved, the only one that cared for him… He felt betrayed, honestly. Yes. _Betrayed._ That was the right feeling. He felt used, and thought that it was the best word to use for this type of situation. The drugs were a betrayal, the lying, the… _sex._ How he shrieked nasty words at him, made him feel so little and helpless… He wanted to help, and he was used. A means to an end.

 

But he wants to think (and knows. God he _knows_.) that Anakin loved him. That was an obvious fact that no one could deny, no matter how much he wanted to deny it in his head. They both did. For so long… even when he was sick. When Anakin and him were both sick. With his anxiety and depression, with Anakin’s episodes that corrupted his thinking and the way he believed people to be. People abused him just as much as others did him, Anakin was given a hand that Nanashi could never understand or attempt to; he was born in drugs and violence, and how he was most likely going to die unless someone could properly help him.

 

It still… it still made him feel guilty for not being able to help the man he loved. He needed so much help that he couldn’t and wasn’t properly trained for. One day, in the next fifteen years, he prayed and hoped that Anakin was able to receive the help he deserved.

 

Zeph seemed to have stopped some time ago, staring down at the older man ( _God damn,_ Nanashi thought in his head. _Reese had the most beautiful brown eyes._ ) “You alright, Nan?” he asked.

 

Nanashi gave him a fake smile, licking his chapped lips. “Yeah… Just… Can we move onto a different… uh, just not penetration?”

 

As soon as he said that, Zeph gave him a licentious smile that practically spelled out mischief. Zeph’s lips met Nanashi’s, hungrily dominating his, Zeph pinning him to the bed. His lips went down his body; first to a hicky on his throat, his nipple, and then his naval… Nanashi moaned.

 

And it continued, kissing the tip of his pre-cum drenched cock, to his shaved rim, tongue leaving a stripe in his wake.

 

He keeps his eyes closed longer than he should, his fingers twisted in Zeph’s intricate of frizzy hair as he continues to attack his rim, moaning out _Reese, yes!_.

 

The man was seemingly only more encouraged by this, pressing kisses to his asshole. It felt like an eternity had passed between kisses, moans escaping his throat at each soft kiss to his rim, thrusting his hips upwards and wrapping his long legs around Zeph’s neck. Zeph’s hands touched his inner thigh, bringing it down.

 

“R-Reese, please, don’t stop,” he whined. For some reason he wished he knew, his thoughts immediately went back to his Anakin. Did they ever readily exchange in… switching? Not really, he thought. Anakin rarely topped him after his accident unless he was sucking his dick or fingering him. It was nice not having to be the one that did all the work. He missed the feeling of this type of pleasure.

 

Reese was so different… He was giving, always willing to go the extra mile to make sure that he was happy and wasn’t hurting. It felt weird to be given this much love by someone, really, by anyone. Was this how others felt when they were normal relationships that weren’t like his usual ones? It was…

 

He loved this feeling.

 

With Reese, it wasn’t unhealthy. Not abusive and forced like with Beth, he wasn’t mentally ill and enabling bad habits and traits like Anakin and he were together… he was healthy. Mentally sound, not drug addicted, was willing to work out their issues instead of yelling or hitting him. Reese was perfect.

 

Maybe this was really the only healthy relationship he had ever had. Maybe will ever be.

 

But he’d take it. And cherish it for however long he had long left with him.

 

“Reese!” he moaned out, a cold, electrifying shiver going down his body. Nanashi closed his eyes again, panting in between soft cries of his name, pleased when he feels Reese around the tip of his cock, swallowing the pleasure that leaked down it.

 

“I love you, Reese,” he whispered, looking down at the younger man now lying on his chest, eyes half closed, smiling. “I love you.”

 

“Love you, too,” he replied, chuckling at the abrupt confession. “You only like me because I’ll rim you?”

 

He laughed, shaking his head with a silent, “Yeah. Of course, Reese. That’s the only reason.”


End file.
